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"As viscous as motor oil swirled in a swamp, redolent of burnt bell peppers nested in by incontinent mice and a finish reminiscent of the dregs of a stale can of Coca-Cola that someone has been using as an ashtray. Not a bad drink, though."--Excerpt from "The Moose Turd Wine Tasting" by T. A. Nonymous

Mom's Legendary Eggrolls Recipe

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Category:
Category:

Ingredients:  
Ingredients:  
1 lb. ground pork
3 to 4 cloves garlic, minced (More if you're no wuss)
1 medium onion , chopped
1 head nappa cabbage (A little smaller than a football)
soy sauce
salt and pepper
3 cups of carrots , shredded or julienned
2 big handfuls of bean sprouts
Spring Roll Wrappers (Freezer section - oriental store)
Buttloads (That's right - buttloads) of Wesson Oil

Directions:
Directions:
Heat oil in a wok or big-ass pan under medium flame.
Saute garlic and onions until transparent. Stir constantly so
that the garlic does not burn.

Add ground pork, salt, pepper and soy to taste.
Add carrots and cabbage, lower the heat a little then cover.
Cook stirring twice for one minute.
Finally, add the bean sprouts, and stir fry for another minute
or so. You can add more soy sauce now to taste. Not too
much , just enough to give the mix a tiny bit of color.
Mix up well, Yo.
Cut off the heat. Do not overcook or veggies will
be soggy.Drain water from mix. Cover and cool for
an hour or so in the fridge. If you don't want to wait that
long, I guess 15 minutes would suffice, you impatient
fool.!!! Prepare the wrappers by separating each sheet.
(Carefully)Heat about 3/4" of oil over a medium flame.
Now the fun part!! Drop about 2-3 Tb of the mix into
each egg roll sheet. Be sure to wrap tight so they
don't fall apart.After you've completed 5 or 6 start
frying them up while you wrap more. Fry them
about 3-4 minutes on each side or until the wrapper
turns about the color of a healthy Fillipino's Skin
in August.

Serve hot and crispy with a bunch of rice to counteract
all of the Wesson oil. You can eat it with that
sweet-and-sour-Chinese-takeout-orange-crap-sauce........
OR mix half a cup of vinegar with a Tb of garlic,
a splash of soy sauce and a pinch of pepper and
dip!! Eat only with your hands and you're a true Flip.

Personal Notes:
Personal Notes:
This comes from a cookbook my brother
Joe made for his college roommates. In my version, I
substitute crumbled tofu for the ground pork.
Wrapping Instructions:
1) Lay wrapper on counter with one point toward you.
2) Place the mix across the wrapper just below the midline.
3) Fold the bottom point up and over the mix. Tuck under.
4) Fold two side point in at least to edge of mix.
5) Roll into a (what else) roll.

 

 

 

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