Step 1: Choose your Steak. I recommend buying good (or great) steak. Choose Choice to Prime grade on your steak, and choose a steak that says “yo soy mas macho.” This means you man up and buy a steak that is a Ribeye, Porterhouse, T-Bone, Filet Mignon or, if you have to save money, Sirloin. Sure, there are other cuts as well, but it is very hard to beat out the above.
Step 2: Salt your Steak. Keep your steak in the fridge until 30 minutes before you are ready to grill. Let it sit out in room temperature to slowly bring the temperature up. This will help it cook through nicely. Right before you cook it, you can do many things to enhance the flavor of your steak. You can put sugar on it, or cinnamon, or even dirt. But that would just be sad. Instead, put salt on your steak. Don’t be shy, put a good dose on there. Try just salt at least once. Steak is awesome, so much so, just salt is all it needs to be mind-blowing. If you want to deviate, you can do rock salt, or garlic salt, or any other spices or marinades. You can also flash fry the steak after it is cooked in melted butter and garlic… but none of that is necessary.
Step 3: Grill your Steak. Walk away from your stove top, and over to your grill. Don’t pan fry your steak. Very few people have the skill to make that taste good. But anyone can pull a steak off a grill that tastes like Heaven. If you have a gas grill, throw some soaked mesquite chips in there. If you have a charcoal grill, just make sure you didn’t use any charcoal fluid. The more you use, the more your steak tastes like a gas station. If you have a gas grill, light it 15 minutes before the start of Step 2. If you have a charcoal grill, you might need an hour. Who knows. I usually can’t wait that long. Make sure your grill is HOT. Put your hand over the coals for 1 second. If it lights on fire, then go to the hospital.
Step 4: Flip your Steak. Put your steak down on the hot grates. Some people oil the grates, some people don’t. Let your steak cook until you see the grill lines from the grates as you lift a corner of the steak up. When the lines are dark, you can do 2 things: 1. Keep the steak cooking on this side, but turn the steak 90 degrees. This creates nice crisscross grill marks on your steak. Once the next set of lines look nice, turn it over and do the same process. –OR– 2. After the first set of grill lines appear, flip the steak. Wait until new lines appear on the underside, then flip it back over at 90 degrees. Once the crisscross lines show up, flip it back for crisscross lines on the second side. Some people swear to do it the first way. I just can’t handle watching all the liquid pool up on the top. Makes me think I’m drying out my steak. So I flip it over thinking it will sear that liquid in. Who knows if it does. Either way seems to taste great.
Step 5: Don’t overcook your Steak. The longer you cook your steak, the faster you waste your money. If someone in your party likes steaks Well Done, then tell them to eat something else. For the rest, you can tolerate Medium Well (I have to because of my wife) and it still has some juiciness to it. Medium has more, Medium Rare is my favorite, and Rare is a mark of a true Steaksman. This is akin to women of sophisticated palates and their gravitation towards darker and darker chocolate over time. As you cook better steaks, you begin to crave the flavor of the meat, not the steak sauce that re-hydrates your abomination of an over-cooked steak.
Step 6: Rest your Steak. Pull the steak off the grill and let it rest. This pulls the juices back into the center, and helps prevent your plate becoming a pool of red goodness that women tend to think looks gross. Just restrain yourself and don’t put a straw on your plate to slurp it all up. You might not get a good reaction from the fairer sex if you do. Let the steak rest for… well… shoot… I don’t always make it to this point. 5 minutes? I really don’t know…
Step 7: Eat your Steak. Some restaurants cut the steak for you. They are idiots. Don’t dry out my steak! Instead, use your own steak knife and fork, and cut into your aromatic and beautifully-tasting, thick, grilled beef at the pace of one bite at a time. Enjoy the texture and the flavor as you thoughtfully chew on each piece. This is akin to a foxhole moment; there just can’t be any atheists during this moment of sheer pleasure. Just remember to try to eat other things during your steak meal. Meat is great, but colon cancer is not. So don’t eat this fine meal every day and especially on its own. Get some roughage in there (salad). Maybe some carbs (bread and potato), and if you want to prove to everyone you are being healthy, drink water.
Step 8: Repeat. Do it all over again, slowly fine tuning how you make your steak the perfect steak. Enjoy!