Personal
Notes: |
Personal
Notes: Memories:
Our lives as youngsters were tumultuous at best, with Daddy's constant drinking. He was not always a happy drunk either. He could be violent at times and almost always quarrelsome when he drank. It felt like we lived in a war zone. As I grew older, I often wondered if I would truly grieve if Daddy died. I have always heard that there was a plan for everyone's life, and I believe it now. Daddy had to retire on disability because of rock and coal dust in his lungs. He struggled for every breath and could no longer handle the drinking. That's when we got to know our father and came to appreciate his honesty and strength.
Dad had obviously never known affection as a child, and he didn't know how to express it. We always knew he loved us, but we wanted him to show it. Peg and I began to hug him and make him hug us back. In the beginning, he would "shoo" us away and tell us to stop being silly. As time passed though he began to respond to us. In those final months of his life when Peg and I walked into his hospital room, he would reach out his hand to us. We couldn't help him get well, but we could sit there and hold his hand - and we did.
Those final days of Daddy's life were bittersweet to me; I came to know my father at the same time that I was having to say goodbye to him. I am eternally grateful that Daddy lived long enough for us to learn to love each other, and that was true for all three of us. When he died, he knew that his children loved him, and we knew he loved us. He told us not to worry when he was gone, because he would be there with us, and it's true. Every time I drive up, I see him sitting there on the porch, waiting for me. Doug asked him once if he would like to talk with a minister. He told us he had already taken care of that, and he and God were on good terms. He died the day before my son Chad's birthday. My daughter Karen was pregnant at the time. Daddy's last words to her were to take care of that baby boy. She had that baby boy, Erik, a month or so later. In those final days, I have never admired anyone as much as I did my daddy. He faced his death with quiet strength and dignity. When I think of him now, it's with kindness, laughter and a peaceful heart. Time does that for you; it brings a resolution to strife and helps you to focus on those things that truly matter - and what matters is that our parents loved us and did the best they could for us.
The night before Daddy died, I was home after a weekend spent helping care for him. I had a dream in which Grandma walked in the back door of our house, and told Mother that she came to help with Foy. I knew her only as an older lady, hair in a little bun and a dress covered by an apron. This night she was young, with a loose bun of thick dark hair at her neck and wearing a pretty flowered dress. I told Mom my dream after Dad died, and we dismissed it as my mind's way of facing his pending death. The strange thing was that Virginia was in Florida at the time and had basically the same dream on the same night, which she related to Mom, describing Grandma in the exact same way. Maybe this was more than a dream. Perhaps it was a message to me that Daddy would be in good hands.
To understand Mother, you have to know the family from whence she came. My mother was a strong women in her younger days, as was each of her sisters. Put the four of them together, they were a force of nature. I find it interesting that Grandma grew up in a family of four sisters and a brother, and she raised a family of four girls and a son. Grandma was close to her sisters, and they were always a part of her life. The same pattern set by Grandma was followed by her daughters. Mother always told us that Ess was the “beauty” of the family, but I remember all of them when they were younger; there were four beauties in that family. Mother adored her older brother, Buck, and no matter how foggy her memory becomes with age, she still remembers him when he was a handsome young man. He was her hero and her big brother.
It broke our hearts watching Mother say goodbye to Pauline, the last of her family. She leaned down, kissed her, and told her she would be joining her soon. I think she looks forward to seeing her family again. Won't that be some family reunion! We have had to say goodbye to far too many of our family, not only Mother's generation but the next generation also. First cousins who were a part of our childhood are gone as well - Marie, Pansy, Peachy, Buddy, Mike from Buck's family; Jack, Don, and Norma Jean. We have lost children from the next generation too. We miss them all - those who walked the same path with us growing up and those who left us when they were much too young. They are an intricate part of the family circle that our grandparents wove with their love and devotion to family. It surrounds us and holds us in God’s gentle embrace. I hope you enjoy this little book of recipes and memories. Stories live on with the telling, and I hope our children and grandchildren, perhaps even our great grandchildren, continue to tell our stories. It keeps the family circle intact. God Bless.
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This recipe for The Recipe for a Happy Family is from