My kids tell me that I have expressions that I use all the time which they have dubbed "Mom-isms." They have always wanted me to write them down so I decided to include them in this book as a way for them to always have them at hand. The following list is probably, in no way, all of the "Mom-isms" I use but they are the ones I can come up with today!
"If I was any better, I'd have to be you."
"Age is mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"You win some, you lose some, some get rained out."
"Be there or be square."
"'I know it was something highly imported."
"I was born at night, but it wasn't last night."
"I may be dumb but I ain't stupid."
"I'll buy if you fly." (ice cream)
"I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't."
"Does this look like a face that would lie?"
"I zigged when I should have zagged."
"His tongue got in front of his eye teeth and he couldn't see what he was saying."
"You get it honest."
"I'll give you three hours to quit that."
"You can get glad in the same pants you got mad in."
"You don't have to pay me to be good, I'm good for nothing."
"You might not mind living in a pig sty, but I do."
"Can't never did anything; try did it all."
"Did you learn anything today (at school) or do you have to go back tomorrow?"
"They don't want me to come up there!"
"I love you to the moon and back!"
"If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside down!"
(When one side of your body aches) "It can't be old age cause the other side's the same age, and it doesn't hurt."
(Waitress: Would you like dessert?) "Just dessert the table."
"I was corn-fuguled" (confused)
"You're so good to me since the baby came."
"Let's blow this popsicle stand."
(In response to someone saying "It's driving me crazy!") "That's not a drive, that's just a little putt."
(In response to someone asking too personal a question) "Are you writing a book? Well, leave that chapter out and call it a mystery."
"Glad you got to meet me, hope you get to meet some more nice people."
And one of Kevin's favorite expressions:
"I'm not here for my good looks alone, you know!"