Directions: |
Directions:
Proceed by cooking 5 pounds of bacon; this does not vary with the number of Keene males present, they are sure to finish it off, even if there is only one. Don't bother to attempt to hide bacon from Ron - it is a futile effort as he is like a witching wand looking for water. If there is bacon, he will find it and eat as much of it as possible.
Put the sausage into a skillet and begin to take it out of it’s spherical shape, one layer at a time. Turn the skillet on. Place the sage on the sausage one grain at a time until you have recreated a whole leaf, then repeat until all leafs have been reassembled. Add salt in a pile to the side of the sausage and mix it all together exactly 34 seconds after the salt pile has been created.
At this point turn around and smack Ron on the hand for eating the bacon and give Ryan and Andy stern looks for doing the same. Threaten them with the spatula and smack it on the counter to show your force. In a separate bowl mix the flour and milk with a whisk 28 times or until mixed. Watch the sausage until it is cooked all the way…no more pink and add the milk flour mixture. Stir until that is mixed in with the sausage and grease. At this point the bacon has been unguarded for too long, so turn around slowly and smack Greg upside the head and send Justin outside. Brian will be hiding behind Greg so move Greg out of the way and send Brian to Sally for punishment.
Add milk to the mixture until it is exactly as thick as it should be. Simmer until it thickens to a thickness different than the exact thickness that it should be. Add pepper to taste in 20 grain spurts. Read the label on the can of biscuits and follow their directions, unless you are Mel, in which case you add 5 minutes to ensure that the biscuits are good and burned. Give Dave a piece of bacon in front of the other males to show them that patience is rewarded. Then smack them for getting into the gravy.
For explicit directions on how to determine when and when not to use the following ingredients and the exact quantities call Ron Keene preferably at 2:00 am.
Preparation for a NORMAL Family
Brown sausage in large fryer, do NOT drain grease. Make Roux (Ron laughs every time he hears this word) by dissolving flour in approximately 2 cups of milk until smooth (prevents lumpy gravy). Add Roux (Ron is laughing) to sausage and slowly add remaining milk while stirring. Bring to a boil. Turn down heat and cover until it reaches desired thickness. If too thick add milk, if too thin add more Roux (Ron is laughing again – he seems to be easily amused).
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This recipe for Biscuits and Gravy is from