Directions: |
Directions:First of all. Leave the noodles to boil on high with only an adequate amount of water. This will leave the bottom layer of noodles nicely caramelized with a slight carbon flavor.
While you are letting this happen, assume that you can make a recipe from memory and with whole milk, instead of the cream you know it calls for. Use the whole cube of butter. It leaves a nice yellow film over the top of the sauce. Heat these two to a boil. Forget that you probably should have added a couple of TBSP of flour to thicken the mixture. Once it starts boiling, add the Parmesan cheese. Use garlic granules until you can smell them through your completely congested nose, making sure this concoction will later burn through your colon. Salt and pepper to taste. Be sure to burn your tongue while tasting.
Add the chicken. Next, notice that you may as well have used skim milk or water for all of the thickening power and viewing pleasure before you. Hmmm.. start thinking to yourself that cheese thickens up mac n' cheese, so you could throw in some leftover mozerella. Oooh... This is not working! The cheese is clumping around the chicken. It smells marvelously of garlic, but it looks like a concoction the kids make out of bread, milk, noodles, and really old cottage cheese. In desperation, call your husband down to look at it. Maybe he'll run to Carl's Jr and save the day. Rats! The first thing he says is, "Smells great." The war is lost before it is begun. He craves something garlicky now and we've already used up our pizza quota for the month. He says,
Don't you have some kind of thickening stuff?" Oh, yes. The little used tub 'o Ultra Gel. The handful method didn't serve me well tonight. What a mess. Funnily enough, the kids didn't complain once. They just ate it. Lot's of garlic hides many flaws. |
This recipe for How to NOT make Alfredo is from