Directions: |
Directions:1. Get a decent-sized saucepan. You’re not going to cook these in your hands, hero.
2. Pour a small amount of high-quality olive oil into the pan.
3. Throw in a tiny pat of butter, preferably unsalted. The idea is to keep salt out of the mix for as long as possible, because salt sends microscopic sodium vikings into the uncooked egg villages to rape the women and sell the children to the gypsies.
4. Turn the heat on medium. If you’re using an old electric stove, good luck, because those things are as adjustable as stone pants.
5. Assuming you’re cooking for two and neither of you is a gigantic oinker, crack four or five eggs right into the warm pan.
6. Get a silicone spatula and start STIRRING YOUR ASS OFF.
7. Alternate the pan on the heat for about 60 seconds and off for 60. Repeat. KEEP BLOODY STIRRING. DO NOT EVER STOP.
8. Stir.
9. Stir. Yes, I know you feel like gnawing your arm off at the elbow.
10. When the eggs look like they’re thinking about firming up, lower your heat and fold some diced chive into the mix. STIR.
11. Remove from heat. Wince as circulation returns to your arm.
12. If you have any creme freche, toss a dollop in there. This brings the temperature of the eggs down and emulsifies immediately. This is the same idea as adding milk to the eggs and beating them before you cook them, only different. Only BETTER.
13. Add 3-4 pinches of coarse sea salt (use truffle salt if Dad's given you some) and a pinch or two of coarse black pepper.
14. Remember that sourdough toast I told you to put on back in step 3? No, you don’t, because I never told you. But now you should have a few pieces of toasted sourdough. This’ll learn you to try recipes before reading them, wonnit?
15. Drizzle some more olive oil on the toasted sourdough.
16. Ladle the eggs atop the bread.
17. Devour like a warthog. Make stink randomly. |
This recipe for The Best Scrambled Eggs Around is from