"As viscous as motor oil swirled in a swamp, redolent of burnt bell peppers nested in by incontinent mice and a finish reminiscent of the dregs of a stale can of Coca-Cola that someone has been using as an ashtray. Not a bad drink, though."--Excerpt from "The Moose Turd Wine Tasting" by T. A. Nonymous
Score the salami with diamond shaped cuts, but be sure to not go too deep. Paint the entire salami with ham glaze in a small baking pan covered in tin foil. Place in a 350º oven for 30-40 minutes or until it is caramelized on the outside. Carve into bite sized pieces and serve with mustard.
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