1 Open and guzzle beer.
2 Drop 12 eggs on kitchen floor; curse loudly and pour generous shot of rum with mixer of choice, guzzle.
3 Drag shop vac. out of garage/storage room/ truck, whatever!
4 Pour and slam back another 3 finger shot of rum.
5 Vacuum up broken egg mess, try to avoid picking up too much shell.
6 Watch 10 minutes of porn or hockey/baseball/football etc. while having a nice shot of rum.
7 Blow eggs into appropriate container, a small pail works well.
8 Clean up residue from kitchen floor (or not)
9 If clean-up option was used; have another rum!
10 Using blower setting of vac. mix eggs in pail thoroughly while slowly adding other ingredients.
11 Check level of rum. If sufficient, have a small (2 finger) shot.
12 Obtain large frying pan and melt butter, add egg mixture, pick out any remaining shell or other debris (or not).
13 If you have a smooth top stove, pan is optional as egg mixture can be poured directly on to stove top, make sure all 4 elements are set to medium. Oil stove top lightly.
14 Is there any rum left? If so, pour another healthy one and check porn on computer.
15 After approximately 10 minutes or whenever a burning smell becomes evident, shut off stove and scrape omelet on to paper plate or thickly folded paper towel, add salt and pepper and whatever other condiments you may like.
16 Pour remaining rum into large glass sit back and enjoy.