Locate a closet in your home or apartment capable of accommodating a barrel. Ideally the closet will be located as near as possible to the front
door. Preferrably you will make the kraut in cold conditions, such as winter in Chicago. Therefore the closet should be unheated with no light.
In fact, your entire home should have little or no heat or light. Although cold conditions are required, if it becomes bitterly cold, you may have a
gas space heater or wood burning stove for your comfort located as far as possible from the closet.
Obtain a normal sized barrel ( new or used). Clean if you think preferrable. Other items of storage and clothes can be maneuvered around the closet to fit the barrel, but needn't be removed if you enjoy the aroma of kraut on your clothing.
Buy around 200 + pounds of cabbage. Current times would suggest going to COSTCO as grocery stores on Chicago Avenue no longer seem to carry these quantities. Dump all the cabbage in the barrel with an adequate amount of vinegar and water to make a consistent, but not too soupy a mixture. Allow to ferment for 6-8 weeks, or until your eyes burn no matter what room you may be located in your home. Stir occasionally to check the efficacy of your process. Breathe deeply for additional benefits. During the fermentation, having an operating player piano enhances the process and creates a nice ambience.
Serve when ready. It is delightful as an addition to any meal or main course, or even just as a snack ( especially when cursing and attempting to
find a way to open your multi-locked front door). A unique aroma is provided both before and after eating. Health benefits are multiple and virtually
guaranteed to keep your critical bodily functions normal.
Other side benefits: Whether during the fermentation process or after eating, it discourages unwanted guests and door-to door solicitors.
Unfortunately it may have the same effect on family and friends until they build up an adequate tolerance or immunity. And for those of you who may need some "alone time" eating this will guarantee your solitude. It also works on getting a spot on crowded public transportation, elevators. or
long queues. Opportunities for creative uses are endless.