1. Wearing white gloves, carefully remove 2 slices of bread from packaging, place gently on plate or cutting board. Never, I repeat NEVER, place bread directly on countertop.
2. Allow bread to “cure” on cutting board/plate for 33 seconds, reducing core temperature to within 15% - 17% room temperature. Warning, do not exceed 33 seconds. This is very important. Use a military-grade stopwatch to insure accurate time keeping.
3. While bread is curing, run one SILVER butter knife under warm water for 23 seconds. This will condition the knife, and raise its core temperature to within 15%-17% room temperature…matching the temperature of the bread. VERY IMPORTANT.
-Please note, because of the discrepancy between the 33 second bread curing time, and the 23 second knife condition time…you now have 10 seconds to complete the following steps. Move fast, and efficiently through the next steps.
3. Open jar of peanut butter, insert 1 inch of knife blade, rotate in a COUNTER CLOCKWISE direction until precisely 1 tablespoon of peanut butter adheres to NORTH SIDE of butter knife.
4. Spread Peanut butter on one slice of bread in a CLOCKWISE direction. Note CLOCKWISE…VERY IMPORTANT. Do not complete more than one clockwise rotation on bread. You should be able to evenly disperse ALL peanut butter in one trip around the bread. Often it is helpful to practice this maneuver a number of times prior to your first PB and J preparation. I have found it helpful to use Crisco and Tortillas as practice tools. However, use whatever you feel comfortable with.
5. After Peanut butter is applied, perform the same with the Jelly. However, it is important to apply jelly in a COUNTER CLOCKWISE manner. This will offset the swirl pattern left by the peanut butter, and should result in an aesthetically pleasing look when the bread is viewed from directly above. Much like how the groundskeeper at Wrigley Field will mow the grass prior to the Cubs taking the field.
6. While grasping the freshly coated bread in one hand, secure the other piece of bread with the other. Quickly, and confidently, lift the un-buttered piece of bread up, and onto the other piece. In effect, “sandwiching” the peanut butter and jelly between the pieces. Press lightly…very lightly…together.
7. Using a FRESH BUTTER KNIFE, cut the bread diagonally, and separating the sandwich into two, equal parts.
The sandwich is now ready to eat, but can be complimented by a side of chips or pretzels. Here is where you can add creative license to really make this sandwich both your own, and an incredibly tasty work of art.